Quick post

Quick post

6.19.2014

I have been meaning to write a post about my first week in Med School but, I never imagined that I would never have the time to even open a webpage in my netbook!

And since I should be doing advanced reading tonight on Epithelial Glands which were all too simple in undergrad and the extreme opposite of what it is now in Medicine, I will share some things through bullet points. :s

• I only accessed the internet because 1) I needed to encode my personal info in the online google drive document for class, and more importantly, 2) I had to email the Editor of a Philippine journal I used to work for.
• I have had two terrible headaches from listening to classes this week. My official first week in Med School. And it was caused by not doing advanced reading. 
• During the first and the second day of classes, I was contemplating whether I would continue this course because it is really, really, really hard to the nth level. Hard is an understatement, I think. I thought thesis was hard!
• My newly purchased Biochem book was stained with either coffee or yakult and I really really hated the feeling of knowing this and seeing this! I mean I have only opened that book twice! I am OC when it comes to books.
• It's now 11:06, and I only have 54 make that 53 now, minutes, to do advanced reading (on only 1 topic, sadly).
• I am proud that I have not been late in class since the second day and that I now wake up at 5.30 or 6 am compared to 10 or 11 am, sometimes even at 12 nn when I was working.
• And yes, I was fortunate to be awarded the scholarship, for a year. I need to maintain at least a grade of 85 in all subjects to be able to avail of an academic scholarship next year (I think, I heard, I was told...?)
• Lastly, there is no removals.
• 
  

Update: average of 2.00 required for partial academic scholarship, no grade below 2.5

Worries and Fears

Worries and Fears

4.25.2014

I plan on getting back to improving my watercolor painting skills. I haven't created any real art except for a few cards here and there, and illustrations that were used in a website.

But this post really isn't about drawing or illustrating. Nag-segue lang ako kasi I made the drawing specifically for this post. As mentioned in my first blog entry, I am only a bit happy after enrolling to medical school. This is mainly because I have so many worries and fears - some are imagined by my pessimistic self while most I can say, are actually  factual. Well, for future reference, I made a list of my worries, and um, fears in NO PARTICULAR order:

1. My first BIG and most likely, ONLY REAL worry.

Unfortunately, I can't share this specific worry. This is something very personal and involves not just myself. To give you a little idea, this is the only reason why I was disturbingly hesitant and up to a certain point became against pursuing medicine.

2. Worry of failing a subject.

This is a worry not a fear, because frankly, I am not afraid of failure. I have failed so many times in my life, not school subjects but in a few life and career objectives and have learned to accept them and definitely rise above them. How cliche.
I am sure you have heard of students failing in medical schools, taking removals. I am not sure what removals are but I surmise they are retakes of an exam or second chance to pass. I sure do hope I would  not have to go through a removal to know what it is.
I worry that I might fail a subject and feel the similar anxiety as taking the battery exam or going through a revalida in college. I worry that this may taint my "no failing grades".....standing?
The ironic thing is, and allow me to include this, I am actually excited about the idea of having to worry about failing a subject. If anything, a challenge is something that fuels my everyday life. Well, only challenges that I can overcome........

3. Fear of losing the rewards I should have been reaping when working instead.

I fear that, instead of being able to begin saving for my future, I am here once again, throwing away five or six or more than these number of years away! This definitely is a huge fear of mine, and one that does not go away. Doctors I know say the same thing to me, studying medicine entails a lot of sacrifices: money, time, effort, and so much more that it will take a while to see and experience the rewards, the fruits of the many labour. But they say it is all worth it. Is it?

4. Fear of losing time, for myself and my loved ones.

I am family-oriented and I love being with my family. I love being with the people I love. I fear that I may not be able to see them as often as I would want to. Even right now, since I am no longer living with them, we only get to see each other once or twice a week. And it is really sad! :'( I blame my zodiac sign. Cancer people tend to be domestic and maternal. Nothing provides great comfort than family and home. I greatly fear that I may not be able to enjoy the rewards of all the sacrifices with the people most important to me. Time spent with the people you love, I strongly and personally feel, is the most significant thing in life. I also fear that I may not be able to do things that make me happy such as illustrating. But chiefly, it's more about losing time for my loved ones.


The list of my worries and fears ends here. I am sure I still have a lot but this will do for now. The list may pile up as the first day of classes approaches, I am sure! Well, I still have a month.