Paulo Coelho Says

Paulo Coelho Says

4.25.2014

Worries and Fears

Worries and Fears

I plan on getting back to improving my watercolor painting skills. I haven't created any real art except for a few cards here and there, and illustrations that were used in a website.

But this post really isn't about drawing or illustrating. Nag-segue lang ako kasi I made the drawing specifically for this post. As mentioned in my first blog entry, I am only a bit happy after enrolling to medical school. This is mainly because I have so many worries and fears - some are imagined by my pessimistic self while most I can say, are actually  factual. Well, for future reference, I made a list of my worries, and um, fears in NO PARTICULAR order:

1. My first BIG and most likely, ONLY REAL worry.

Unfortunately, I can't share this specific worry. This is something very personal and involves not just myself. To give you a little idea, this is the only reason why I was disturbingly hesitant and up to a certain point became against pursuing medicine.

2. Worry of failing a subject.

This is a worry not a fear, because frankly, I am not afraid of failure. I have failed so many times in my life, not school subjects but in a few life and career objectives and have learned to accept them and definitely rise above them. How cliche.
I am sure you have heard of students failing in medical schools, taking removals. I am not sure what removals are but I surmise they are retakes of an exam or second chance to pass. I sure do hope I would  not have to go through a removal to know what it is.
I worry that I might fail a subject and feel the similar anxiety as taking the battery exam or going through a revalida in college. I worry that this may taint my "no failing grades".....standing?
The ironic thing is, and allow me to include this, I am actually excited about the idea of having to worry about failing a subject. If anything, a challenge is something that fuels my everyday life. Well, only challenges that I can overcome........

3. Fear of losing the rewards I should have been reaping when working instead.

I fear that, instead of being able to begin saving for my future, I am here once again, throwing away five or six or more than these number of years away! This definitely is a huge fear of mine, and one that does not go away. Doctors I know say the same thing to me, studying medicine entails a lot of sacrifices: money, time, effort, and so much more that it will take a while to see and experience the rewards, the fruits of the many labour. But they say it is all worth it. Is it?

4. Fear of losing time, for myself and my loved ones.

I am family-oriented and I love being with my family. I love being with the people I love. I fear that I may not be able to see them as often as I would want to. Even right now, since I am no longer living with them, we only get to see each other once or twice a week. And it is really sad! :'( I blame my zodiac sign. Cancer people tend to be domestic and maternal. Nothing provides great comfort than family and home. I greatly fear that I may not be able to enjoy the rewards of all the sacrifices with the people most important to me. Time spent with the people you love, I strongly and personally feel, is the most significant thing in life. I also fear that I may not be able to do things that make me happy such as illustrating. But chiefly, it's more about losing time for my loved ones.


The list of my worries and fears ends here. I am sure I still have a lot but this will do for now. The list may pile up as the first day of classes approaches, I am sure! Well, I still have a month.

First post.

First post.

4.23.2014

Today I finally enrolled in the College of Medicine in one of the top performing medical schools in the country.

I also had my scholarship application interview today. Though I felt nervous at first, it was not as distressing as the application interview required for college of medicine admission. They merely asked personal questions, about your family mainly. The honesty I displayed during the interview made me worry that I might have said something wrong or just anything in general that would cut my chances of obtaining a partial scholarship. Yes, I am only eligible for a 50% tuition fee and laboratory fee discount because my NMAT grade did not make it to the cut off grade for full scholarship. But hey, a discount is a discount especially when the fee is over a hundred thousand pesos, right?

This does not mean, however, that I have already been awarded the scholarship. Though the interviewer stated that, "more or less" I would be given the scholarship, and it only "needs to be formalized" through documents, the official list of scholarship recipients will still be released next month. I am certainy hoping for the best.

I think this is about it, for now.  Am I happy? Well....I can say I am 20% happy. As to why, I think that deserves another post. Perhaps in the coming days.

Surely, I am not excited of going back to sitting in a class listening to a teacher. If only I can work while studying as I did in the past years.